Poster from Winnie’s memorial service on September 9, 2022
The last few months have been difficult. Back in March my wife Winnie went into at home hospice care for non-alcoholic sorosis of the liver and ultimately died on September 9, 2022. It was a difficult six months to say the least. Winnie knew she was dying and she had made peace with that, and she was adamant that she did not want to spend her last days going to multiple doctors and going in and out of the hospital like she had been doing, and we supported and honored that. Hospice put a hospital bed in our living room so she could be with us and with visitors. It also made it easy for us to take care of her. Essentially it consumed all of our lives for that time and that was both a great gift and a struggle especially realizing that we were watching her dying. At one point she was obviously struggling and I asked her what was going on. Her reply sort of shocked me. She said very matter of factly, "I'm practicing dying!" Toward the end, bless her heart, she also asked me "Can I die in your arms?" Unfortunately that didn't work out. I just wasn't in the room when it happened but it was sure sweet and I sure wish I could have been. Just before she passed she was clearly in a lot of distress to the point that by the time she passed it appeared to me to really be a blessing, and I don't say that lightly.
Before she died Winnie was also adamant that she wanted to be cremated and did not want a traditional funeral service in a funeral parlor or church. She wanted the service to be out doors in nature, and she didn’t want people to wear black and be sad. She wanted it to be a celebration. The service was held in a beautiful out door venue and I think she would have been very pleased.
Since she has passed I have realized that the time she was in hospice really provided me time to make peace with the fact that she was going to pass so it wasn't a shock and I am really at peace.
I have the poster from her memorial service (see above) with Winnie's picture sitting on my dresser. Love it. It really does bring her presence to me, and I sometimes even talk to her. I am often reminded of the line in the song "Sold" by John Michel Montgomery: "Hay pretty lady give me a sign, I want to make you mine all mine", and I am reminded that she is still "mine all mine" even now, and I still love my lady very much.
Now I am working to get on with my new life and part of that getting back to this blog and with my writing.